Tuesday, September 20, 2005

whoever said anybody has a right to give up?

Indifference is the strongest force in the universe. It makes everything it touches meaningless. Love and hate don't stand a chance against it.

The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.
The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference.
The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference.
And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference.

Telling themselves this they stumbled onwards, blind to one another yet each depending on the other - for their hate, for their ugliness, for their deaths...

...for their indifference.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

why i can't sleep

I can’t sleep at night. They come to me, with their problems and their opinions, right into my room. I have no idea how they’ve all gotten keys to my house, or know instinctively which of the rooms is mine - but they do know and so they come.

Last night there was a zombie bus driver dancing on my bed at five in the morning, demanding a hearing. Groggy and disheveled I tried to get him to leave, to find some other drugged-up insomniac to record his part of the human condition, but he wouldn’t let me be. I’m still looking for the right words, but in the meanwhile my sincere promise to write about him has sent him back from wherever the fuck he came.

Sometimes I am able to dissuade them, but more often I must take a notebook in my hands, hunt down a pen and write their stories. And more often than not, my writing is unintelligible at best - prompting more visits from agitated corpses.

Kimo came a few days ago, looking as he did when last I last saw him. Maybe a little greyer. He demanded that I tell his story, a tragedy that ended when he killed his wife, a bus driver and then himself. When I resisted him by pointing out the time, and my semi-unconcious state he transformed into his final physicality... the top half of his head missing from a shotgun blast. He sat non-chalantly on my sofa in this condition, the bottom half of his jaw chewing (absentmindedly) at random bits of i-don't-know-what, until I wrote him. Wrote him into this missive.

It is because they will not leave me alone that I write. I cannot not do this because if I didn’t I would never sleep again.